Mindfulness 101

Mindfulness has become a major buzz word these days. With popularity and commodification comes a lot of confusion, misinformation, and skepticism.

While supporting clients in building a mindfulness practice, I often hear the following:

“My mind always wanders. Am I doing this wrong?”

“It doesn’t make me feel better. It doesn’t work for me.”

“Okay, I feel my sadness, now what should I do with it?”

These are all totally understandable reactions and they reflect how many of us feel mislead by the way mindfulness is talked about in the general media. The truth is, mindfulness is a sacred practice rather than a quick fix. It’s not always enjoyable, and unlike other meditations, it is not necessarily meant to make you “feel better” in the moment. It’s a practice of observing what is, without judgment, and resisting the urge to interpret, change, or critique. It’s about building tolerance for and acceptance of what is.

Here is a short guide to help you understand how you can use a mindfulness practice to support your day to day life, and an honest exploration of the limitations of this practice.

Qualities of Mindfulness

MINDFULNESS IS:

• a daily practice

• a state of mind

• focused on the present moment

• truthful yet non-judgmental

• neutral

• curious

• internal and external

MINDFULNESS IS NOT:

• a quick fix

• the same as all other meditations

• wallowing in your feelings

• intended to stop thoughts or emotions

• interpretive or analytical

• focused on the future or past

Uses of Mindfulness

MINDFULNESS DOES NOT:

• provide immediate relief

• necessarily feel good

• change anything about your present experience

• help you escape your feelings

• problem solve

• work if you don’t dot it :)

MINDFULNESS CAN HELP YOU:

• build tolerance for discomfort

• expand your acceptance of what is

• sit with your experience even when it’s not pleasant

• regulate how you take in stimulus

• understand what your mind does

• practice being in the present moment

• understand how you relate to your feelings

So how do I begin to practice mindfulness?

Start simple. The most basic mindfulness practice is this:

NOTICE, ALLOW, REPEAT

If you want something more structured to begin, here are some easy steps for a basic mindfulness practice:

1. GET SEATED. SET A TIMER IF THAT’S HELPFUL

   Find a comfortable position. You want to be upright (so you don’t fall asleep) and relaxed but engaged. I recommend sitting cross legged, on a pillow, with your hands resting on your legs. If your back needs more support try sitting against a wall or in a chair. If you’re just starting out, try setting a timer for 3-5 minutes. Work your way up from there.

2. SOFTEN YOUR GAZE

   You do not need to close your eyes but it can be helpful to soften your gaze or fix it on something. If you are certain you won’t fall asleep, go ahead and close your eyes. Try it with your eyes open if you can.

3. TUNE INTO YOUR BREATH -OR SOMETHING

   If tuning into your breath makes you feel like you can’t breathe, choose a neutral part of your body to tune into. Between your eyes, your feet, or your hands can all be nice places for your awareness to rest. This will be your touchstone, and the place you return to when your mind wanders.

4. NOTE WHAT ARISES. RESIST THE URGE TO JUDGE, LABEL, OR FOLLOW.

   I mean this in the broadest sense. If a physical pain arises, notice it. If you feel bored, that’s what arose. If you feel agitated, note the agitation. Try to note what you notice without labeling it or following a story about it.

5. WHEN YOUR MIND BEGINS TO WANDER, GENTLY RETURN TO YOUR TOUCHSTONE.

   Your mind will wander. This is nothing to beat yourself up about. This is when the practice actually begins. This is when you get to practice ever so gently brining yourself back to your breath, or whatever place you started your practice.

6. REPEAT STEPS 3-5 UNTIL YOUR TIMER GOES OFF, OR UNTIL YOU’RE READY TO CLOSE THE DAY’S PRACTICE.

While it can feel uncomfortable and awkward at first, a regular mindfulness practice has benefits that accumulate over time like better emotional regulation and increased self awareness. And because humor is healing, here is my favorite video about mindfulness. Enjoy!